Sunday

Sunday has always been my favorite day of the week. I'm not sure why but Sunday has always seemed to have a gentleness, a softness about it. For some reason, the birds seem to sing a little happier, the sun seems a little brighter and life usually seems a little better on Sundays. Today is Sunday and I'm missing the special feeling I usually have in my heart on Sunday because on this date 3 years ago my grandmother passed away. To say I loved her very much doesn't even come close to expressing how I felt about her. It was much more than that, there are no words to describe how much I loved my grandmother or what a big part of my life she was.
I have felt a little off the past few days but didn't really understand why. Until I woke up this morning, consciously I didn't realize that today was the day she passed away. I guess because she was so much a part of me, my soul, my inner being has some type of internal clock that can sense when this day comes every year.

Forever Changed

We all have people in our lives who inspire us, love us and each holds a piece of our hearts. I was fortunate enough to have been born with a guardian angel - my Grammie. I was two weeks old the first time I spent the weekend at Grammie's. When I was 18 months old I went to live with Grammie and I lived with her off and on throughout my life. Grammie was an essential part of the foundation of me - she was the cornerstone of my world, of my existence. I always knew no matter what everything would be ok because Grammie was in my world. Her smile could light up the world, her gentleness could warm the heart of a nation. My soul, the very center of my being, was anchored in my Grammie.

On March 6, 2008, my life, my soul was forever changed. It's a change that I will never recover from. Life continues and each and every day I feel her presence with me, I hear her voice and see her beautiful smile but there is an emptiness in my soul that tells me that life just is not the same, I am just not the same. I walk through life feeling unbalanced, somehow unable to get back to the person I was before my Grammie left this earth.
If given the choice, I would always choose to have Grammie in my life even knowing that I would spend my life from the age of 41 on in pain that I cannot comprehend. The years that I had her with me are worth going through the pain over and over again.
I am forever changed but forever grateful for her presence in my life.